he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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