I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹ï¸
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
