You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
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he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
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I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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