He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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