Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
