I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
