I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
