It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Randomize
