It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
