Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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