He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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