i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
