the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
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You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
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And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again