btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
