oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
its like you know when i get waxed
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?