period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Drunk is not a location!
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!