The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
These 19 Men’s Fashion Mistakes are Unforgivable, According to Women
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
25 Cringeworthy Below the Pants Injuries
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss