Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved