Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
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This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
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He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.