i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
