remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
