I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
