What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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