One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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