dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
