so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
