So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
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