the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
His nipple licking is glorious
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