im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
