wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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