He is such a slut. More and more my type.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
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I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
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From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
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