how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
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