Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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