What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
