I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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