We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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