Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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