dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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