why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
