My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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