My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
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Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
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Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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