it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
