I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
