you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Randomize
