i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
