she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
