Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
