Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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