He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
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Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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