This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
