we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
bring money and cleavage
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach