But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize