if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
