I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.