I can't breathe out the right side of my face
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Randomize
