Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
