she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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