can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
