Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
