wat bout pragnant strippers??
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
The struggles of a small town man whore
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
