Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
You made out with two different species that night
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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