hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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