pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
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Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
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I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize