I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
handjob tips. give me some.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
