i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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