Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
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