Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
