i was born a porn star she said
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
