In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
