doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
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