Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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