did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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