I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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