I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
