I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
