Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
