my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
