the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
